Relationship--Marriage
“So embrace, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, a spirit of mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, and longsuffering. Bear with one another and forgive one another. If anyone has a quarrel against anyone, even as Christ forgave you, so you must do. And above all these things, embrace love, which is the bond of perfection.” Colossians 3:12-14 (MEV)
Paul’s instructions in Colossians 3:12-14 certainly should work well in a marriage. Perhaps these verses should be included in the marriage ceremony. I can’t pretend to tell anyone how to have a successful marriage, but Colossians 3:12-14 would be a great start, and I can tell you what has worked for Norma and me.
Within the first year of our marriage, we attended my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary party. The emcee asked if anyone there expected to be married for fitty years. Norma and I both said, “Yes, we do,” and everybody laughed. We answered the laughter with the words, “We mean it,” and over 61 years later we still mean it.
We didn’t enter our marriage with the idea of a 50-50 arrangement. We agreed that we were both committed 100% to each other and to our marriage relationship. It’s been great. Encompassed with our love has always been the word, “respect.” We may not often disagree, but we do always respect each other’s opinion. I have sometimes been cautioned by the Holy Spirit to hold my tongue and be patient while my wife disagrees with me. And when I haven’t been patient, Norma has been forgiving, and I am grateful for that.
Friendship is also at the heart of our relationship. Norma is my best friend, and I am her best friend. We do have other friends, and we do enjoy spending time with them—sometimes together and sometimes separately. They often enlarge our vision. Norma and I recognize that we each have individual skills and abilities, and when we combine them we serve our Lord best and we experience the satisfaction of having accomplished something together that neither of us could have done alone.
God has blessed our marriage with our great love for each other, for our mutual love for Him, and His love for us. Without Jesus Christ as our Savior, and without the Holy Spirit as our guide, we would not and could not be as close to each other as we are. Our relationship with our God has been the solid foundation of our marriage.
Verse fourteen of the above passage, “And above all these things, embrace love, which is the bond of perfection.” Love, ours and His, has been the bond of perfection in our marriage.
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Relationship--God and Man
“So embrace, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, a spirit of mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, and longsuffering. Bear with one another and forgive one another. If anyone has a quarrel against anyone, even as Christ forgave you, so you must do. And above all these things, embrace love, which is the bond of perfection.” Colossians 3:12-14 (MEV)
The relationship between God and mankind differs in one magnificent way from all other relationships. In this relationship, the one between God and mankind, one of the participants is ALWAYS faithful, ALWAYS loving, and NEVER changing. We all know which one that is: GOD. So any difficulties in the relationship are because of us. What can we do to keep that relationship on a solid foundation?
We can recognize that God created everything so that He can have fellowship with us. Much of His creation puts us in awe: mountains, lakes, rivers, canyons, plains, elephants, amoebas, the sun, the moon, the stars. We must also stand in awe of His greatest creation—US. In all the billions of people who will have peopled the earth by the time of the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, there are no two people exactly alike. We are different in size, shape, skin color, intellectual ability, and personality, yet He loves each of us the same. I’m loved as much as He loves you, and you are loved as much as He loves Billy Graham, and Billy Graham is loved as much as He loves Josef Stalin.
We can keep our relationship with God on a solid foundation by reading His written Word, the Bible. In this grand book, He shows us how to act so that we keep in good relationship. Jesus was very specific when He was asked to name the greatest commandment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30,31 (NIV) Jesus was asked for the one greatest commandment, but He answered with two. He specifically mentions the second. In the first, He delineates our responsibilities to Him, and in the second He tells us how to treat each other. He also says, “There is no commandment greater than these.” There we have it—the way to fulfill our part of the relationship, the covenant. In no day have I been able to completely fulfill both of these two greatest commandments. I believe that God understands that and that He understood it when Jesus answered the question. But because He never changes, I am forgiven each day.
Obeying these two commandments does not guarantee us a home with Him for eternity. The one and only action of ours that gives us that guarantee is our acceptance of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Once we have done that, God desires that we fulfill each of these two every day. In fact, He expects us to fulfill them, but because of His forgiving nature, He keeps giving us mercy in our failures. Understand this—God expects us to love Him first, and out of that love He expects us to love our fellow man. When we do these two things, we gladden His heart, and that is my desire—to gladden His heart.
So we have a relationship where one partner is ALWAYS faithful, and the other partner is sometimes faithful, and because of His faithfulness we are forgiven. We fulfill our part of the relationship by doing our best to love Him completely, love our fellow man well, and live in the knowledge of and thankfulness for His TOTAL commitment to us and our relationship.
Thank you, Father God! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Holy Spirit!
Relationships--Friendship
“So embrace, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, a spirit of mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, and longsuffering. Bear with one another and forgive one another. If anyone has a quarrel against anyone, even as Christ forgave you, so you must do. And above all these things, embrace love, which is the bond of perfection.” Colossians 3:12-14 (MEV)
How does a friendship begin? We don’t know who of our acquaintances will become actual friends. We don’t know until we have several conversations and get to know the person better. Friendships often develop because of common interests. First, we may listen to someone in a general conversation, and as we listen we discover a common interest. If we listen long enough and carefully enough, we discover that the person has interesting things to say and that we want to hear more. So we speak and join the conversation by offering opinions and probably asking questions. By this time both people may realize that they hold interests in common, and that they would enjoy spending more time together. And as more time is spent together, both parties begin to reveal themselves more deeply and the friendship becomes an active relationship.
It doesn’t always happen that way. Sometimes a friendship occurs almost at the drop of a hat. It may be almost immediate that the realization of a friendly relationship my occur. In either case the exchange of ideas occurs and respect is developed.
So these are ways that friendships begin, but for a friendship, particularly a close friendship, to develop and be pleasant and important to both people, we need to follow Paul’s instructions that he gives us in the above Scripture. Indeed, to be a good friend, we must be both kind and considerate, not trying to dominate conversations, but by showing interest in what the other person is saying. Sometimes, even in friendships, differences happen, and they need to be resolved amicably. In other words, we need to show the love of God even in the times of teasing each other. Being careful not to hurt the other person’s feelings by embarrassing him or her is an important skill to learn.
A friend is also available to help in situations of need--physical, emotional, spiritual, or monetary need. This is where the “rubber meets the road.” If I can’t help a friend in need, I am not a friend indeed, or maybe I should say “a friend in deed.” My deeds show my friendship as much or even more than my words. Proverbs 18:24 is instructive: “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Reliability is greatly to be desired in a friend, and a friend who is reliable can be of more value than a brother. The question for me is this: Am I being a good friend, one who shows the love of God in a reliable manner?
The Great Commission, given to us by Christ in Mark 16:15, says, “He said to them, ‘Go into all the world and preach the gospel.’” (NIV) Logically, the more friends we have the more people that we can be sure that have heard the Good News of Jesus Christ. Do I know that all my friends have at least heard the Gospel? My friends become prospective ambassadors for Christ. This is the way that the Gospel spreads.
Levels of Relationship
“So embrace, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, a spirit of mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, and longsuffering. Bear with one another and forgive one another. If anyone has a quarrel against anyone, even as Christ forgave you, so you must do. And above all these things, embrace love, which is the bond of perfection.” Colossians 3:12-14 (MEV)
I’d like to discuss three levels of relationship in the next few days. They are as follows: relationship with a friend, relationship with a spouse, and relationship with God. I think we can agree that these are certainly three different levels of relationship with three levels of intimacy. The Scripture quoted above gives good instructions from Paul for any relationship. Mercy should always be a part of any relationship we have with anyone, but especially with a friend or spouse. If we cannot show mercy to these two, the relationship will probably not last or will, at best, be an awkward one. I believe that Paul is calling us to be kind to all we meet, and we should. It is difficult to have a relationship with a friend or spouse if we can’t be kind. Kindness is often the way in which a relationship begins. Humbleness of mind and meekness speak to the way in which we value others. They show that we value the person and respect and appreciate his/her comments and wisdom. Aren’t we likely to accept someone as a friend who values our opinions? And we must value a spouse as someone with solid opinions and wisdom. If we don’t value the opinions of a spouse, that person will soon realize that he or she does not have our respect, and the marriage is in trouble. Sometimes a friend or spouse will do something that bothers us and may have difficulty in changing that behavior. To be a good friend or spouse, we need to be patient. If we cannot bear with someone or forgive him/her, the friendship or marriage is not likely to last.
We are reminded that we have been forgiven by God for ALL of our sins, and that we must be forgiving of others as Christ has been of us. And finally, we are told to “embrace love which is the bond of perfection.” Love provides for the perfect bond of friendship or marriage. Love is also the perfection of our relationship with God.
With this as a basis, I would like to explore the similarities and important differences among the three relationships—friend, spouse, and God--over the next several sessions.
Praise and Worship
“Indeed it came to pass, when the trumpeters and singers were as one, to make one sound to be heard in praising and thanking the LORD, and when they lifted up their voice with the trumpets and cymbals and instruments of music, and praised the LORD saying: ‘For He is good. For His mercy endures forever,’ that the house, the house of the LORD, was filled with a cloud, so that the priests could not continue ministering because of the cloud; for the glory of the LORD filled the house of God.” 2 Chronicles 5:13,14( NKJV)
Does that happen in our churches today? Well, I haven’t seen the building filled with a cloud so thick that we couldn’t continue singing praises to God, but I have felt the presence of the Lord during worship and praise. Should we expect clouds sent by God to fill our churches today? God doesn’t seem to manifest His presence in such a dramatic way now. Could He manifest His presence in that manner today? He certainly can, and I want to be there when He does it, don’t you?
The Psalmist tells us in Psalm 22:3, “But you are holy, O You who inhabits the praises of Israel.” Okay, God inhabits our praises. Then, should I expect some special feeling when I praise Him? Maybe, but what if I don’t? How do I know that God is present? Now it has become a matter of faith and trust. The Word tells us that He inhabits our praise. So we know that He does even when we praise Him quietly.
I do know that when I am feeling low or discouraged, if I will praise Him and worship Him for more than just a few minutes, my spirits will begin to rise. And if I am willing to spend an extended time in thinking about the love and mercy of my Lord, my praise becomes heartfelt. He loves to hear my praise and worship, and I get a feeling of satisfaction and joy to know that I bring joy to my Lord. So I can say that according to Scripture, God inhabits my praise every time I praise Him, and I know in my heart that I bring Him joy. If that doesn’t lift my spirits, I don’t know what will. I may have never seen my church building filled by a thick cloud sent by God, but I do “Have the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.” And it’s down in my heart to stay.
